Gift Ideas from Nanny to Parents

Picture on Art.com


      It can be particularly tough for a nanny to find an appropriate gift to give a parent who seems to "have it all."  However, if you have a good relationship with your employer it is worth the effort to make a gesture of appreciation.  Good nanny jobs are a treasure for all involved and fostering kindness and respect is always a good example to set.


      So the question remains, what make, or buy for someone who has significantly greater means than you do?  My answer is generally to avoid buying and turn instead toward the making end of the spectrum.  Making something allows you to showcase a particular skill and is especially meaningful if you can involve the children in the gift's production.

     If your skills are cooking or baking, go for it!  If you have a few special recipes you make for your charges consider printing or handwriting a mini cookbook of those recipes for days you are not there.  Sometimes the simplest recipes might be the hardest for a parent to guess without your special instructions.  If Mary Jane likes the way you mix up hot cocoa with just the right amount of mix, write it down!  If you have a special way of making a treat that is healthy and low in sugar, write it down!   Whether typed up in a fancy font and printed or written on pretty recipe cards these little recipes may be invaluable someday either on a weekend.  They may even serve as a snapshot of what the children loved to review someday when they are older.

     If you skills are the needle crafts, such as knitting or crochet, there are lots of wonderful free patterns available for small gifts.  I love to crochet and find great patterns on the Lion Brand website.  If the children are five and over many times you can teach them to help with a small part of that project.  If the children are old enough to put beads on a string and not in their mouths, you may be able to help them pick out a couple strings of silver, glass, or crystal beads to put together a very special piece of jewelry for mom.  They may even enjoy making the beads out of polymer clay that hardens when baked.  As long as they are poked with a toothpick before baking they can be strung onto jewelry elastic after they have hardened.  Gifts from both  Nanny and the kids are often greatly appreciated. 
   
     If you are an artist or photographer, parents would usually adore a portrait of their child.  If you don't consider yourself particularly artistic or crafty there are lots of kits available in craft stores for under ten dollars that can be used to create something memorable such as a plaster handprints with young children, or mosaic stepping stones, or  painted, durable picture frames, or Christmas ornaments.  These don't require artistic skill on your part, only your patience and supervision.   Don't forget, after the children have done the painting seal the craft with ModgePodge for durability and date it with permanent marker.  These keepsakes will probably be treasured for a very long time!  As long as you are making easy crafts you could also consider allowing the children to make multiples to go to grandparents or other family members.  This can be a big help at the holidays, alleviating some of the parental gift giving stress.  Anything that serves to reduce their stress you know will be appreciated!
    
     Whatever you choose take the pressure off your mind and realize that these gifts are primarily tokens of your appreciation.  If you are running out of time, money, or both don't panic!  Simply purchase or make nice holiday cards and help the children sign them with you.  Use the opportunity to teach the children in your care that the holiday is about sharing loving-kindness rather than stuff and that they too can be givers.

Would You Hire Yourself?... Discipline Part 2

Whether you are a parent or a nanny please ask yourself this question. Would you hire yourself to nanny your own children? Do you display the kind of characteristics you would want your children to learn from and emulate? Are you even tempered and kind, neither overly indulgent nor overly controlling? Do you plan for a fun successful day?

The crux of child discipline is often a healthy dose of self discipline mixed with some fun. Without self discipline it is too easy to overboard in many directions, such as being too lenient, or too harsh, or too smothering. It takes self discipline to act like an adult every day but it is the sense of fun that allows you to laugh with the children in your care and not take mistakes (neither yours nor theirs) too seriously.

I don't use any magical behavioral techniques with children. Though I have taken plenty of classes on the matter, there are differing points of view on the subject. I keep things pretty straight forward and simple. It is the same stuff I think we've all heard by now. I use a schedule and properly used time-out are the mainstays (for ages 5 and under) or a sensible, logical consequence for children over 5 years.

"Properly used time-out" IS effective.  Some adults misinterpret and misuse time-out is various ways leading to the idea that it is not effective.  Each step must be followed for maximum effect. 

• To start, a child may not follow a rule they are not aware even exists.  We can't assume that Janey knows drawing on furniture is not OK.  Therefore, a child first has a rule explained to them age appropriately.  Explain the rule, and in the case of drawing on furniture, supervise closely.  

• If they break the rule, such as under your acute supervision Janey tests some crayon off the paper she has been given, they are give one warning face to face at their eye level to make sure they have heard it.

• If it is broken again they MUST be given a time-out, no second, third, and fourth chances. They are told why they are receiving a time-out, placed in a safe area within eyesight but not being given any extra attention for a specific amount of time, generally one minute per year of age, set on a timer.  I have used microwave timers and little portable egg timers.  

• After, they must apologize with appropriate attitude and make amends as appropriate. Amends in this example would include Janey scrubbing the crayon off with adult help if necessary. 

• No anger or frustration is shown on the part of the adult either before or after but a stern voice is used in placing the child in time-out.  Stern isn't yelling.  Stern is the kind of firm voice teachers use that let their students know they won't take no for an answer.

I don't overuse the word no or time-out. I prefer to use positive phrasing when possible, especially with children 5 and under who tend to concentrate on the last few words of a sentence. For example, instead of of saying "No, don't play there." As soon as I see them heading in that direction I would say "Stop. Come play here." At the table I would "Here, use your napkin and dab your chin" over "No, don't use your sleeve." It seems like a subtle difference but it emphasizes what they should do rather than what they shouldn't which gives them clearer direction. I reserve "No" for a firm, direct command, especially when there is no readily apparent redirection. I also don't raise my voice unless the house is on fire or a child is running into the street (would you hire a nanny who yelled at your kids?). It is actually more effective to lower your voice and force them to lean in to listen to you rather than tuning out lots of yelling in an already noisy environment. This is where self discipline comes in.

Concerning other discipline techniques, for nannies spanking is never, never, never appropriate! A parent may be able to use it in a calm, relatively non-violent manner but I won't even discuss its use here because I am not a parent, do not use it, and have never felt the need in any situation I have ever come across. This includes working with "behaviorally challenged" children, strong-willed children, children with developmental disabilities, manipulative children, and having to institute discipline in a household where none was previously used. What has worked in every one of those situations was consistency, stability, and the self discipline to repeat a lesson over and over until it is learned in a consistent, calm, and loving manner.

I hope I am not making it sound more difficult that it actually is because the reality is that with the vast majority of children respond positively to this type of discipline very quickly which then frees you up to enjoy them more. When it becomes very predictable to them how you will handle a given situation, the challenges will grow fewer and farther between, although most children will challenge rules periodically just to see if it still stands.

This is what happens when a child who went to bed without a hitch for months suddenly decides to fuss about it. A few days to a week of consistency, things generally fall back into place again. A single instance of inconsistency however can dramatically draw out this time frame because now the child believes they may have found a way to either wear down your will or they have found some loophole.

There is a lot of good news with this. By getting over the rough spots with consistent use of sensible discipline frees both you and them to enjoy each other more, to be more caring and develop a genuine relationship. This is a way more rewarding relationship that you can get by simply indulging a child until they become unbearable, difficult, spoiled, and embarrassing in public! I look for a balance in discipline that shows respect for a child as a person. They may be a developing person but they are still a person with dignity. No type of discipline should shame a child or make them feel less. Being under the authority of an adult should be a protection to them from that kind of injury.

False Starts

I don't think Miss T. has a grasp yet on what this school stuff is supposed to be. Today was another day of refusing to even enter the classroom. We sat out in the hall a while. It was three of us: Miss T., her mommy, and I. Miss T. ran back and forth down the hall a while peering into the classroom but each time decided she'd rather stay in the hall. After about 20 minutes of this the Miss T. was given the choice to go into class or go home. She wanted to stay in the hall which eventually amounted to going home.

I have mixed feeling on the whole thing. I think she is too young, especially to have this kind of decision on her hands. She is independent at home within the safe watch of her parents or myself and loves doing many of the same things she would be doing at the school at this point. I personally plan to homeschool once I am blessed with little ones so my input here is pretty negligible. However, I think even if I was going to have my children trained by a school I would not send them so young that they have no way of comprehending what is going on. On the other hand many parents would believe my decision to homeschool to be overprotective and try to get their children in school and "socialized" as early as possible.

Her school directress told us that even if Miss T. goes in for as little as 15 minutes a day eventually her interest will grow and she will become more capable for classwork, gradually moving into it for the full schedule. We will see in the coming weeks if we can first work up to the fifteen minutes.

School Dazed

Miss T. started school for the first time on Monday. She is a bit young for it, not even 2 1/2 yet. The first day was only 1 hour long and went by fairly uneventfully, except for her being exhausted come nap time and really over sleeping. The second day she bumped her head on a door handle and cried inconsolably until she was brought back to her parents. There are still three more days to try this out this week but I honestly do not think she is ready for it. She has no enthusiasm for going, no clear idea of what is going on, and her attention span is lacking for the type of serious Montessori environment the school has set up. I have not actually been there yet but I have read up on the school quite a bit and Miss T.'s mom has already had indications from the staff there that they feel Miss T. may not be ready. The rigorous 5 day a week schedule is a bit much for Miss T., in my opinion.

This is really the first family of toddlers where I was not asked to assess the school or the child's readiness. It does not surprise me too much because in the area I am in there are quite a few "nannies" that really are not qualified to be called such. They are many babysitters/housekeepers. I find it disappointing but that's reality. We will see if Miss T. can manage even partial days for now, otherwise her parents will pull her now and restart later in the year or early next year. At this point I'm not sure which course I'd recommend.

Some potty training success

I was quite happy to return from my long weekend on Tuesday to hear that Miss T. continued to use the potty with her parents, even while away at her Nana's house! She actually asked them to use the potty!! During the day she is in underpants only (while with me) and at night her parents put her to bed in a diaper. I have reservations about the mixed messages this is sending, especially since they usually wait until I come in the next morning for me to make the switch back underpants for the day and by this time she is often both wet and soiled. Due to my schedule I do not know whether this happened in the morning and she is actually waking dry/clean or not. I suggested that they not order anymore diapers and use the lined underpants for the night after one last potty just before bed then potty again first thing in the morning. Time will tell whether they will actually do this.

This just demonstrates one thing. Being a nanny is not for the control freak. There are many times on most any day where things must be done as the parents want them done even if the nanny does not agree with them. Every effort must be made to show no opposition to those parental decisions to the child. That is as detrimental to a child as when parents contradict each other's decisions or undermine each other's authority. It's quite useless too because the parents are the only authority and caregiver who will be there for the child throughout their life. As much as we nannies try to blend into the family there are just and necessary boundaries.

When a real issue comes up in which a nanny feels that the parent's decision might be truly harmful (from a developmental standpoint) every effort must be made to meet with the parent separately from the child with concrete back-up as to why the nanny believes the decision is wrong. Even then, the final decision rests in the parents' hands. If physical harm/abuse were possible that is a whole other case. Contact whatever help appropriate and necessary and be prepared again to give concrete back-up.

The vast majority of the time however our differences stem from personal quirks and our own preferred modus operandi. We need to own up to that and move on so we can continue to enjoy the perks of a job that's rewarding emotionally and financially. Not every job gets bonuses paid in smiley, silly, smoochy hugs!

Toys

Hannah at Cultivating Home put up a great link to another post on toys not made in China. Great information and links for even more information.

I especially liked the tips on making toys. Kids I have worked with have enjoyed this so much and some things are actually much better homemade, such as play dough. The commercial stuff is often to stiff for little fingers and comes in too small an amount for working with multiple kids or making bigger things. I also like that homemade play dough is cheap enough that no one feels guilty if colors get mixed or it gets contaminated in some way and has to be thrown away. After an illness, for example, I throw away play dough if they have been playing with it while sick.

Here's the recipe I use:

Cooked Play-dough

I let children in my care who are old enough to sit in a high chair steadily start playing with this dough but use your best judgment. Kept in a plastic container or zipper bag it keeps for quite a while while retaining its smooth, soft texture but I like to replace it every few months or even more often if a child still puts their hands in their mouth a lot. It has no preservatives other than the high salt content so if it ever smells off toss it. I've never had this happen but you never know.

Combine in a medium saucepan: 1 cup flour, 1/4 cup salt, 1 tsp. cream of tartar

Add and whisk until smooth: 1 cup water, 1 Tbsp oil, Food coloring add just a little bit at a time until you get the desired color. Any type of food coloring can be used. Do not use paints though to keep the end product non-toxic. I have never cared for a kid who didn't at least taste test!

Cook over medium to medium-low heat until it clumps together and pulls away from the sides of the pan. Some people add fragrance (essential oils) or extracts but I never do to cut down any possibility of irritation.

Take it off the heat and turn over onto a cutting board (preferably plastic), wax paper, or an easily cleanable counter top and let it cool just enough to handle. This doesn't take very long, only a minute or two. Start kneading the very warm dough, the more you knead it the smoother and more elastic it will be. When you feel it is cool enough for little hands to handle pass along chunks of it to the littles to knead too.

The first few times kids play with it I usually make sure they play with it on an easily cleanable surface, such as a cheap plastic table cloth, to make sure the coloring doesn't stain anything. It never has but I don't take chances ;)

Nanny Contracts

The first things I can say about the nanny work contract is that they are invaluable. It is on my mind right now because mine is nearly up. This doesn't mean I am out the door but rather it is my opportunity to sit down and thoroughly go over how things are working and what is not working.

I use a very detailed contract. It states my pay rate, hours, sick and vacation time, of course, but it also goes over the duties I will fulfill for a family, what I will not do, my style of discipline, what to do in case of an emergency and various other things. Each year those details will change slightly in the way that a home management binder or curriculum changes year to year. I try to formulate new goals with a family. The goal might be to have a little one potty trained or to spend a minimum number of hours per week on preschool skills or physical activity.

When meeting a new family I bring a sample of my contract with me so they can see up front what I am about and I can also see their reactions to my style. I kind of look at my style as Mary Poppins-ish, firm but kind, caring but not a pushover. If you watch the movie (which I love!) she was rather strict with high expectations of both children and parents but soft when the children needed it. I prefer to start out firmer and relax as the situation permits rather than too soft and have an uncontrollable youngster on my hands that needs to be strongly redirected.

Contracts need to be tailored to each nanny and family but if anyone would like a sample please leave a comment and I can email you a copy in Word format. It is a starting point. Not every detail in these contracts may be legally binding and laws vary state to state, so if you are in doubt contact a lawyer!

Potty Training 101

I hope that soon Miss T. will be back on the potty training wagon. It is not my decision to forgo it for now as she is definitely capable and ready in many respects but we are making sure that the UTI issue and medication side effects are definitely resolved before proceeding. I believe also that a family meeting will have to happen first to be sure that everyone is one the same page concerning how to proceed. The first time around it became readily apparent that she was not being made to sit on the potty often enough and not being checked for accidents but rather being put back in diapers whenever it was more convenient to do so. This was creating confusion for Miss T. and leading her toward the bad habit of being comfortable in wet underclothes.

Anyway, by ready for training I refer to the following:

• She is aware of her goings and can communicate such
• She is dry for periods of time during the day
• She is mobile enough to get to the potty
• She is not in the middle of illness, especially diarrhea
  

Age is only a minor factor but usually around 2 to 2 1/2 many kids will be ready by these standards. For some children readiness will happen earlier, for some later. It's not a competition to try to get them trained when they are barely walking since that will only make it into a long, drawn out affair during which a parent or caregiver is more likely to become as tired and frustrated by it as the child. Once a child is ready it is often just a matter of 1 or 2 weeks for the main part of potty training to be complete. I generally only do daytime training at this age as many kids are still in cribs at this age and it would be impossible for them to readily get out when they need to go. In addition, waking up dry will usually happen on its own, provided they get into the habit of going one last time right before bed.

As for training there is not too much to it. First, if a child has been in disposable diapers they need to gain a realization of when they have gone. Disposables keep them so dry that there is usually not connection for them. For indoors, I recommend plastic lined underpants. I would not buy to many pairs because these are really an optional, temporary measure to protect carpeting and furniture a little better. If you don't mind a little extra cleaning or plan to be outdoors or in the kitchen most of the time feel free to go straight to the thicker cotton underpants.

Be ready for a few wet days before the connection is made between the feeling of anticipation and the point at which it is too late. It is normal, so don't discourage easily. Also, don't curb water intake. The more they drink the more practice they will get. Watch out for constipation during this time as well. Some kids will hold back due to anxiety and this may start a cycle of fear to go if they get so constipated it hurts to go. Fruits starting with the letter P help things move along: prunes, plums, peaches, (ripe) pears. Avoid too many apples, apple sauce, cheese, and bananas if they are not going as often as usual.

I usually switch right over by first talking with the little trainee about how exciting it is to be a big kids with no more diapers. I let the sit without any expectation to go before training officially starts. Once in training leftover diapers (if there are any) can be used up at night after the last seat on the toilet before bed. If once they used to regular underpants they no longer want to wear a diaper anymore, and they are waking up dry in the morning pretty often, try using those plastic lied underpants can be pulled on over training underpants until they are dry at night 99.9 percent of the time. It may cutback the number of other things getting wet at night.

The day before or the same day training starts set up a sticker chart in the bathroom and put aside "special" stickers, usually shiny stars but anything they like is fine, just for training. For the first few days I sit them on the toilet at least every two hours and definitely about 10-20 minutes after a meal and before a nap. They get a sticker for each time they sit. If they want they can read some books in there but for some kids it is too distracting. Let common sense be your guide.

I start out giving stickers for each time they sit. Once they have had some success with making "deposits" I cut the stickers back to each success. I maintain a cheerful, positive, "you can do it!" demeanor. I think it is important not to show anger or frustration over a lack of success. This is the easiest way to turn a developmental milestone into a power struggle.

It is also best to plan for a pretty low-key, at home week to start training. They should be as close as possible to home and the bathroom or potty chair. I can't make any potty chair recommendations because I have never used them. I prefer the toilet seat inserts. Some people do not even use these. I have heard that if you don't have one a child can sit backward on the regular seat for better stability. I have done this while traveling once or twice but usually had a travel potty seat. Just as a caution however, those travel seat are for very occasional use only. They are not as stable so a toddler needs some extra care and support getting on or off to prevent slipping. While I never personally had one of these pinch a kid I read online that this has happened. This might be prevented through using tissue at the seams. If I were really in doubt however I would bright their regular seat in a zippered tote bag. Whenever I was on an extended trip the regular seat was always brought along.

Preparedness and positive encouragement have been my keys to potty training.

Photo credit:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/86603835@N00/19650368/

Finicky eaters?

In the ten plus years I have been a nanny to 11 kids ages 3 months to 11 years not once have I come across a child that was so finicky they would starve themselves. Yet I have met many parents that claim their kids would do that if they didn't feed them a steady diet of boxed mac and cheese or peanut butter and fluff. I am not saying kids can't have any of these, I'm an "all things in moderation" type, but these things should not be the mainstays of their diet.

I have worked with kids who claimed not to like things. Two little vegetarians who said they didn't like vegetables come to mind. My solution was to mandate the a child try one bite of a food before saying they don't like it. Even if they have tried it before they were still required to try it. I put out the unfamiliar food before offering familiar fillers, like said mac and cheese, as side dishes. A little acting sometimes helps the process, such as putting on a most doubtful face, rolling your eyes and stating flat out "I just know you won't like this!" then "What?! You do?!" If is really something that they absolutely dislike to the point it gives them a case of the shudders we move right along to the other things and acknowledge that they did give it a try.

It often helps to try flavoring things differently. The little vegetarians did not like very many plain veges but did like many simmered in soups or baked into meatless "meat-loaves." Many kids like spinach blended into cream sauces on past or mixed in basil pesto or they may like it more as part of a well dressed salad. Peas simmered in seasoned vege or chicken broth or in rice pilaf. Some hate raw tomatoes but love fresh salsa, or marinara sauce. Sweetened, creamy bowls of wheat, oats, polenta, or rice flavored with cinnamon and vanilla are usually pretty big hits. If one grain is highly dislike it may be the texture is too gritty or too coarse, this particularly happens with "instant" varieties. Those do not cook long enough to fully tenderize the grain and bring out their creaminess. Real food tastes better and if kids are allowed to build up a healthy appetite they will show how much they appreciate it.

A big part of making meal times enjoyable with kids is to eat with them. As soon as they can handle finger food at a high chair they should be at the table with the grown-ups of the house for at least one meal a day. It doesn't have to be dinner it just has to happen. They so often take their eating cues from what they see us doing. Are we sipping our milk and eating our delicious veges? Or are we running around we our "healthy" protein bar that looks just like candy while trying to get "important" things done? If we are getting our meals on the run or nibbling scraps at the kitchen counter we can hardly expect them to do better. Sometimes parents lead such separate lives that I'm sure their little ones are curious if adults eat at all!

Here is the way to feed kids that works for me:

1. Have regularly scheduled mealtimes and no junk food in between. If their day is very active a they need a snack offer fruit or a low sugar item such as a small portion of cheerios, but offer water first. Even in adults thirst is often confused for hunger.
2. Don't feed them in front of a TV. It will become a false hunger trigger.
3. Juices and sweets should be part of a meal not to be eaten alone. A piece of chocolate at the end of dinner has a better chance of not setting off a sugar roller coaster than that same piece eaten alone. Kids who walk around with juice filled sippy cups all day are bathing their teeth in a continual sugar stream.
4. Let water be the between meal beverage. It satisfies thirst without reeking havoc on blood sugar, won't disrupt their meal time hunger, and doesn't make things sticky when spilled :)
   
5. Let fruit, fruit smoothies, and homemade fruit pops be the predominant desserts.
6. Eat as an example of how they should eat. Enjoy the freshness and taste of your own homemade creations. If you don't think you are a good cook buy a good cookbook. The Joy of Cooking and The Moosewood Cookbook (lacto-ovo vegetarian) are two of my favorites. The first has tons of basic recipes and the second definitely is not for vegetarians only, it just has tons of great recipes.
7. When cooking from scratch just can't be done have a stock of quality ready made foods either made by you in your freezer or by a reputable supplier that does not add chemicals to their soup. My and Miss T.'s favorites for ready made food are by Amy's. We are particularly liking the spinach-feta pockets that are made with organic whole wheat. Along with a bowl of tomato bisque it is one of Miss T.'s favorite meals.
8. Don't expect that littles are going to eat a lot at each meal. For a toddler a few tablespoons of an item is plenty. Let them eat as much of the good stuff as they need at meal times. If they stop do not want more do not try to entice them to eat more. They should be learning to listen to their natural hunger/satiety cues. If they are not hungry at all don't make a big deal of it. They will be hungrier at their next meal provided sweets and snacks are not offered in between.

Fruit and Yogurt Pops

• In a blender add 1 small to medium ripe banana, 1 cup full-fat yogurt (vanilla, maple, plain, or a flavor that coordinates with the fruit you have on hand). They give the pops a creamy texture kids and adults both love.
  
• Add one cup fruit or pure fruit juice. Berries, very ripe peaches or nectarines, more banana, fully ripe mangoes, or even stewed dried fruit such as apricots work very well.
• If dry fruit was added, add about 1 cup spring or purified water and blend. It should be a pour-able smoothie consistency add additional liquid if necessary.
  
• Taste. If the fruit was under ripe it may need a teaspoon of honey (for children over 1 year only) to pick it up or the same amount of frozen white grape juice concentrate if there is any honey allergy.
• Pour into pop molds or dixie cups. With the thicker smoothie consistency you can usually add the popsicle stick right away. If it is too soft freeze slightly (1/2 hour) then add the stick.
• Serve frozen for desert :)
  

Potty Training Update

I have decided to put the potty training on hold for now. It has become very apparent that Miss T.'s mom is not ready to be an active participant in the process which will only confuse Miss T. and make the whole thing way longer and way more frustrating than it needs to be. I don't take things like this personally because the are many reasons parents are not ready for potty training. None of them have anything to do with me, although I do sometimes get frustrated by a lack of directness in them simply not expressing their desire to wait a little longer before potty training. Personally, I have also found that waiting longer also may mean having to undo a more deeply ingrained habit.

I think the most common reason I have experienced is an apparent desire to keep their toddler as a baby. This especially happens to parents who work long hours and are not able to see their littles very much during the day. Some parents have a hard time imagining that their little one has already developed so much that they are capable such independence.

It is possible that Miss T. could get used to using the potty while I'm there and diapers when I'm not but this is usually more the case in daycares where there is more separation between what is done at home versus what is done at "school." Trying to do this in a home setting may just end up as too confusing for her. Unfortunately for Miss T. her mom would like her to start at a fancy preschool this fall that I am certain does not do diaper changes. I was hoping that by transitioning now this would not be an issue. Developmentally she is ready. She is very communicative, aware of her goings, and physically able to do it but the mixed messages she is receiving are making her less willing to use the potty. Plus her rewards for using the potty are being given out simply by her asking for them, or worse screaming for them. Not by me, of course, but they are fast losing their motivational potential. As with any type of training, whether it concerns social behaviors or the potty, consistency is key.

I am not usually one to stop something once it is started but at this time I do not see another choice that does not entail a confrontation with Miss T.'s mom. These are almost never helpful so unless it is a severe matter concerning the health and well-being of a child I forgo them and instead take a step back. Circumstances will arise when the transition will need to be made and mom and dad will have less leeway to go around it. Once they are taking the lead and fully on board it will happen.

Learning to "Go Potty" - Days Three and Four

Yesterday was not a great day in the potty training department due to a nasty diaper rash Miss T. developed the previous evening. She had gone in her pull-ups while out and about with her parents and no one realized it. When it came to their attention it was too late. It is a terrible side effect of some medication she is on. It makes things odorless and as caustic as battery acid. Poor baby!

The effect of the diaper rash has been to make her very nervous about going. She stays dry fine until she is asleep then nature and unconsciousness take over. So yesterday was the day to apply creams and ointments to clear things up and today was the day to rebuild confidence. I've been discussing with her the benefits of going on the potty with a clear emphasis on "no more diaper rashes." She likes the sound of that. After a couple small tinklings she relaxed today as she realized it was no longer burning her. I am doing my best not to stress her on mastering this new skill and the encouragement of stickers and gold stars are working well with her :)

Learning to "Go Potty" - Day Two

Today has been an exciting one in the "going potty" world! Miss T. made the connection after a successful attempt and is now very happy about the whole thing. Of course, Dolly is now in on the action and getting stickers and praise from Miss T. too. The dog is not as happy because he never gets stickers from going outside. Apparently everyone and everything, except the fridge, is in training this week. I have earned a sticker myself and could not be more proud of it ;)

Sitting one per hour finally yielded a tinkle and after a big hug, stickers, and fuss she is totally into it. She was dry through the morning except for one spot when she started to go but caught herself so we went running to the toilet. We have not yet had a b.m. on the potty but hopefully that will come soon too.

She really wanted to nap in her lovely new under-pants so that is getting a tryout today too. We will see how it goes. I really love how accomplished little kids feel when they master this. It is written all over their happy little faces :D

Yay! Potty Training!

I am somewhat out of my blue funk but still a wee bit stressed about the possibility of leaving sometime soon. It is seeming more inevitable as Miss T. is on course to start at preschool in the fall. It would only be probably 3 days per week but I am not currently in a position to either cut my hours or work nights. As a married woman myself I have duties at home that precede working in the evenings. It is really too bad because Miss T. is turning into a lovely and loving child. I really love working with older toddlers and preschoolers. The shear cuteness is addicting!

In her latest habit she waits until I am seated with her at mealtimes and ask "So, how are you doing?" Her inflection absolutely imitates the way I talk to her and it cracks me up! I do think children need to eat with adults and learn to properly socialize at the dinner table at home just the same way you'd want them to at a restaurant. I start with the basics, "We do not throw our food," "We do not run around while others are eating," and progress to appropriate table talk.

Anyway, on to the potty training! Miss T. has been developmentally reading for a little while now but due to medications she had been on that had rather unpleasant side effects we had to postpone training. Training however I feel is a bit more heavy handed sounding than what I actually do. I go straight to underpants with the triple thickness (no pull-ups please!) and have her sit on the toilet fitted with a toddler sized seat once per hour. She gets a sticker at each sitting to put on a decorated piece of paper I put up in the bathroom. Once she is actually going on the toilet the stickers will get cut back to each successful toileting but for now "trying" counts.

She has not toileted yet but today is out first day so we will see what the rest of the week brings. She is excited about earning stickers though. We also have lined plastic underpants for indoor use when puddles would be more mess to deal with but as it is summer I am attempting to be outside a lot for the next few days. Since she has always worn disposable diapers my first order of business is to get her to connect being wet with the feeling before being wet.

Both disposable diapers and pull-ups generally keep kids so dry they are unable to detect they have gone and therefore are unlikely to make the connection. The only use I have found for pull-ups is in cases in which I am out and about with a little one in the learning phase to prevent unnecessary embarrassment in the likely event of an accident and at night. I generally let night time training happen on its own. I have them sit one last time before bed but wear either a diaper or pull-up at night until they are waking up dry for at least one week. I believe it happens on its own when they are developmentally ready. For many kids the comfort of soft, dry underpants is preferable to them and is its own motivator in the process.

When a good Nanny leaves

There is a big part of bringing a nanny into a child's life that most parents ignore. It is the fact that there chances are very, very good she will not be there until the child reaches adulthood. The days are long gone when a nanny gave up a life of her own to raise generations of children in a family. The truth is it is a mother's job to give her life for her children and you can't hire that devotion out to a stranger. Trying to do so sets a child up for a definite experience of deep loss in their young life. It never comes at a good time, because there is no good time for such a thing.

This all comes to mind because a cousin of mine, who is also a nanny, will be leaving her family to marry and start her own family soon. She is already seeing the anxiety in both the children and parents. She has been there long enough for a definite bond to form with the children and is definitely NOT looking forward to that last day when a child will likely have to be pulled, crying from her side. I've been there. It's heartbreaking.

We do our best to help raise happy, well-mannered, well-adjusted children but in the back of our minds is the day that will come when, either by our decision or the parent's, the relationship is cut short leaving a loving little one caught in the air not knowing who will catch them. We try to trust that the parents are there to do that but honestly loss is loss. Someone that child has come to love and trust and usually sees for more hours each day than anyone else is leaving them. It's the nanny who usually is there to make boo-boos better, feed them and knows all their favorite foods, songs, books, clothes.

Sorry to be such a downer but today the reality of it hit me harder than usual. Each day I see Miss T. become more loving, cheerful, funny, and attached the thought of that coming day haunts me.

Helping Little Ones Beat the Heat

Yesterday and today have been hot and humid! I tolerate heat pretty well up through the nineties then I had better cool down. Poor Miss T. loves to be outside but turns flushed, sticky, and not up to much quick. Since her parents haven't yet caught up with the quick change of temperature little Miss T. is still without a kiddie pool to chill out in.

My solution is to find some shade (either in the shadow of the house itself, under a tree, or even in the garage), a bucket of cool water, and anything child safe from which water can be poured. With these meager tools plus some drinking water for the two of us Miss T. has been cooled down and entertained for hours on end these past two days. I dress her in something that can get wet and let her splash and pour to her heart's content. She waters her own head as much as she waters the flowers with her little watering can filled and re-filled from her bucket. At the hottest part of the day I put the bucket at a step for her to sit down and dip and kick her feet in it.

With other families I've used the bathtub as a kiddie pool. I even let the kids put on their bathing suits to get in the tub with tepid water. With three or fewer kids these methods work great and use up a lot less water than running a sprinkler continuously.

A water-play bucket can even be used in conjunction with a sprinkler if there are older kids and younger kids playing in the same area. Children two and under are often afraid of a larger body of water and may not like the cold spray of a sprinkler. A bucket of water is also more easily adjusted in temperature. Most kids like it cool but not cold.

A few bath toys and plastic cups are plenty. Miss T. loves a mixing bowl and measuring cups to make "soup."

Just a few tips for safe water play:

• Never leave a child unattended with even a small amount of water.
• If you use your regular cleaning bucket make sure it is thoroughly rinsed free of any residue of cleaning products even if you use natural, non-toxic ones. It may be easier to simply get them their own bucket from the dollar store.
• Play water gets dirty fast so I discourage children from trying to drink it. Keep a sippy cup with drinking water handy and if it is still a problem give them slotted spoons and sieves rather than cups.
• I also discourage standing in the water bucket or running around with wet feet, both are fast ways to get a good boo-boo.
  
• Dress in something you don't mind getting wet too. You will get wet! If your weather is like mine here in VA you'll find a way to get wet!!

Have fun!

Photp by: http://flickr.com/photos/mydailycommute/40893069/

Ahhhh...Nap Time

As much fun as little miss T is I have to admit I look forward to nap time. I imagine that if I were home with little ones of my own my break during this time would be well shortened with other things that need doing. Even at work I think sometimes of the things I would love to be getting done at home. As it is nap time is my tea break, blog reading (now writing) time, meal prep for freezing or dinner, and T's laundry time. My duties at work only pertain to things for the child I am working with but meals I make for T are usually large enough for the parents to eat too. A bitty babe can only eat so much :).

I only had trouble putting T down for naps when I first started working with her when she was 16 months old. Her parents were in the habit of rocking her to sleep (which I do not do) and were very flexible as to when they were putting her down for naps, whereas I schedule meals and naps. The first day, she did not like the new system and let us know. The next day she fussed a little less. Day three she decided she liked it and her dad who is home days came out of his office in amazement because she was asleep after 15 minutes of cheerful chatting to herself.

She is very used to this now and I enjoy the pre-nap routine too. She picks out a few books to read together on the rocker. We sit read, chat, tickle then pop her into her crib at which time she waves me bye-bye. I listen to her babbling on the monitor while I have my tea and usually in 15-30 minutes she is asleep. When she is not I know there is a good reason, most often a diaper issue :P.

I know her parents still try to rock her to sleep both at nap and bed time. I usually hear the trials of this on Monday mornings. She falls asleep on their shoulder, they try to put her down and she wakes up very upset. If it is night time the result is that she will end up in their bed, waking several times throughout the night. I have explained to them my methods and the whys of doing it the way I do.

I always try to keep in mind when touching on subjects like this with parents that I have no control over whether the parents of a child I care for will take my advise. Some parents do listen and some don't. A nanny must be a careful diplomat and not take these things personally. Many parents get overwhelmed by crying children but years and experience change that.

Ah well...when the temptation comes to give in to childish manipulations I remember a saying I heard growing up that translated would mean "the monkey knows the tree it climbs." I will leave it at that.