Finicky eaters?

In the ten plus years I have been a nanny to 11 kids ages 3 months to 11 years not once have I come across a child that was so finicky they would starve themselves. Yet I have met many parents that claim their kids would do that if they didn't feed them a steady diet of boxed mac and cheese or peanut butter and fluff. I am not saying kids can't have any of these, I'm an "all things in moderation" type, but these things should not be the mainstays of their diet.

I have worked with kids who claimed not to like things. Two little vegetarians who said they didn't like vegetables come to mind. My solution was to mandate the a child try one bite of a food before saying they don't like it. Even if they have tried it before they were still required to try it. I put out the unfamiliar food before offering familiar fillers, like said mac and cheese, as side dishes. A little acting sometimes helps the process, such as putting on a most doubtful face, rolling your eyes and stating flat out "I just know you won't like this!" then "What?! You do?!" If is really something that they absolutely dislike to the point it gives them a case of the shudders we move right along to the other things and acknowledge that they did give it a try.

It often helps to try flavoring things differently. The little vegetarians did not like very many plain veges but did like many simmered in soups or baked into meatless "meat-loaves." Many kids like spinach blended into cream sauces on past or mixed in basil pesto or they may like it more as part of a well dressed salad. Peas simmered in seasoned vege or chicken broth or in rice pilaf. Some hate raw tomatoes but love fresh salsa, or marinara sauce. Sweetened, creamy bowls of wheat, oats, polenta, or rice flavored with cinnamon and vanilla are usually pretty big hits. If one grain is highly dislike it may be the texture is too gritty or too coarse, this particularly happens with "instant" varieties. Those do not cook long enough to fully tenderize the grain and bring out their creaminess. Real food tastes better and if kids are allowed to build up a healthy appetite they will show how much they appreciate it.

A big part of making meal times enjoyable with kids is to eat with them. As soon as they can handle finger food at a high chair they should be at the table with the grown-ups of the house for at least one meal a day. It doesn't have to be dinner it just has to happen. They so often take their eating cues from what they see us doing. Are we sipping our milk and eating our delicious veges? Or are we running around we our "healthy" protein bar that looks just like candy while trying to get "important" things done? If we are getting our meals on the run or nibbling scraps at the kitchen counter we can hardly expect them to do better. Sometimes parents lead such separate lives that I'm sure their little ones are curious if adults eat at all!

Here is the way to feed kids that works for me:

1. Have regularly scheduled mealtimes and no junk food in between. If their day is very active a they need a snack offer fruit or a low sugar item such as a small portion of cheerios, but offer water first. Even in adults thirst is often confused for hunger.
2. Don't feed them in front of a TV. It will become a false hunger trigger.
3. Juices and sweets should be part of a meal not to be eaten alone. A piece of chocolate at the end of dinner has a better chance of not setting off a sugar roller coaster than that same piece eaten alone. Kids who walk around with juice filled sippy cups all day are bathing their teeth in a continual sugar stream.
4. Let water be the between meal beverage. It satisfies thirst without reeking havoc on blood sugar, won't disrupt their meal time hunger, and doesn't make things sticky when spilled :)
   
5. Let fruit, fruit smoothies, and homemade fruit pops be the predominant desserts.
6. Eat as an example of how they should eat. Enjoy the freshness and taste of your own homemade creations. If you don't think you are a good cook buy a good cookbook. The Joy of Cooking and The Moosewood Cookbook (lacto-ovo vegetarian) are two of my favorites. The first has tons of basic recipes and the second definitely is not for vegetarians only, it just has tons of great recipes.
7. When cooking from scratch just can't be done have a stock of quality ready made foods either made by you in your freezer or by a reputable supplier that does not add chemicals to their soup. My and Miss T.'s favorites for ready made food are by Amy's. We are particularly liking the spinach-feta pockets that are made with organic whole wheat. Along with a bowl of tomato bisque it is one of Miss T.'s favorite meals.
8. Don't expect that littles are going to eat a lot at each meal. For a toddler a few tablespoons of an item is plenty. Let them eat as much of the good stuff as they need at meal times. If they stop do not want more do not try to entice them to eat more. They should be learning to listen to their natural hunger/satiety cues. If they are not hungry at all don't make a big deal of it. They will be hungrier at their next meal provided sweets and snacks are not offered in between.

Fruit and Yogurt Pops

• In a blender add 1 small to medium ripe banana, 1 cup full-fat yogurt (vanilla, maple, plain, or a flavor that coordinates with the fruit you have on hand). They give the pops a creamy texture kids and adults both love.
  
• Add one cup fruit or pure fruit juice. Berries, very ripe peaches or nectarines, more banana, fully ripe mangoes, or even stewed dried fruit such as apricots work very well.
• If dry fruit was added, add about 1 cup spring or purified water and blend. It should be a pour-able smoothie consistency add additional liquid if necessary.
  
• Taste. If the fruit was under ripe it may need a teaspoon of honey (for children over 1 year only) to pick it up or the same amount of frozen white grape juice concentrate if there is any honey allergy.
• Pour into pop molds or dixie cups. With the thicker smoothie consistency you can usually add the popsicle stick right away. If it is too soft freeze slightly (1/2 hour) then add the stick.
• Serve frozen for desert :)
  

Potty Training Update

I have decided to put the potty training on hold for now. It has become very apparent that Miss T.'s mom is not ready to be an active participant in the process which will only confuse Miss T. and make the whole thing way longer and way more frustrating than it needs to be. I don't take things like this personally because the are many reasons parents are not ready for potty training. None of them have anything to do with me, although I do sometimes get frustrated by a lack of directness in them simply not expressing their desire to wait a little longer before potty training. Personally, I have also found that waiting longer also may mean having to undo a more deeply ingrained habit.

I think the most common reason I have experienced is an apparent desire to keep their toddler as a baby. This especially happens to parents who work long hours and are not able to see their littles very much during the day. Some parents have a hard time imagining that their little one has already developed so much that they are capable such independence.

It is possible that Miss T. could get used to using the potty while I'm there and diapers when I'm not but this is usually more the case in daycares where there is more separation between what is done at home versus what is done at "school." Trying to do this in a home setting may just end up as too confusing for her. Unfortunately for Miss T. her mom would like her to start at a fancy preschool this fall that I am certain does not do diaper changes. I was hoping that by transitioning now this would not be an issue. Developmentally she is ready. She is very communicative, aware of her goings, and physically able to do it but the mixed messages she is receiving are making her less willing to use the potty. Plus her rewards for using the potty are being given out simply by her asking for them, or worse screaming for them. Not by me, of course, but they are fast losing their motivational potential. As with any type of training, whether it concerns social behaviors or the potty, consistency is key.

I am not usually one to stop something once it is started but at this time I do not see another choice that does not entail a confrontation with Miss T.'s mom. These are almost never helpful so unless it is a severe matter concerning the health and well-being of a child I forgo them and instead take a step back. Circumstances will arise when the transition will need to be made and mom and dad will have less leeway to go around it. Once they are taking the lead and fully on board it will happen.

The Bad News About Fast Food Never Ends

Dr. Mercola of Mercola.com usually has something of interest to me as I love to study ways to be as healthy as I can. This article,
Seagulls Fat and Infertile From Fast Food, struck me as funny mainly because it brought to mind reminders of my mom's references to white bread as "rat poison" and not fit for human consumption. While I personally do eat white flour products on occasion I know she was probably right and try to avoid them most of the time. If fast/processed food can cull the seagull population in New York maybe it would work on the rat population too. If that works what more proof would we need that we really should not be eating the stuff?

Learning to "Go Potty" - Days Three and Four

Yesterday was not a great day in the potty training department due to a nasty diaper rash Miss T. developed the previous evening. She had gone in her pull-ups while out and about with her parents and no one realized it. When it came to their attention it was too late. It is a terrible side effect of some medication she is on. It makes things odorless and as caustic as battery acid. Poor baby!

The effect of the diaper rash has been to make her very nervous about going. She stays dry fine until she is asleep then nature and unconsciousness take over. So yesterday was the day to apply creams and ointments to clear things up and today was the day to rebuild confidence. I've been discussing with her the benefits of going on the potty with a clear emphasis on "no more diaper rashes." She likes the sound of that. After a couple small tinklings she relaxed today as she realized it was no longer burning her. I am doing my best not to stress her on mastering this new skill and the encouragement of stickers and gold stars are working well with her :)

Learning to "Go Potty" - Day Two

Today has been an exciting one in the "going potty" world! Miss T. made the connection after a successful attempt and is now very happy about the whole thing. Of course, Dolly is now in on the action and getting stickers and praise from Miss T. too. The dog is not as happy because he never gets stickers from going outside. Apparently everyone and everything, except the fridge, is in training this week. I have earned a sticker myself and could not be more proud of it ;)

Sitting one per hour finally yielded a tinkle and after a big hug, stickers, and fuss she is totally into it. She was dry through the morning except for one spot when she started to go but caught herself so we went running to the toilet. We have not yet had a b.m. on the potty but hopefully that will come soon too.

She really wanted to nap in her lovely new under-pants so that is getting a tryout today too. We will see how it goes. I really love how accomplished little kids feel when they master this. It is written all over their happy little faces :D

Yay! Potty Training!

I am somewhat out of my blue funk but still a wee bit stressed about the possibility of leaving sometime soon. It is seeming more inevitable as Miss T. is on course to start at preschool in the fall. It would only be probably 3 days per week but I am not currently in a position to either cut my hours or work nights. As a married woman myself I have duties at home that precede working in the evenings. It is really too bad because Miss T. is turning into a lovely and loving child. I really love working with older toddlers and preschoolers. The shear cuteness is addicting!

In her latest habit she waits until I am seated with her at mealtimes and ask "So, how are you doing?" Her inflection absolutely imitates the way I talk to her and it cracks me up! I do think children need to eat with adults and learn to properly socialize at the dinner table at home just the same way you'd want them to at a restaurant. I start with the basics, "We do not throw our food," "We do not run around while others are eating," and progress to appropriate table talk.

Anyway, on to the potty training! Miss T. has been developmentally reading for a little while now but due to medications she had been on that had rather unpleasant side effects we had to postpone training. Training however I feel is a bit more heavy handed sounding than what I actually do. I go straight to underpants with the triple thickness (no pull-ups please!) and have her sit on the toilet fitted with a toddler sized seat once per hour. She gets a sticker at each sitting to put on a decorated piece of paper I put up in the bathroom. Once she is actually going on the toilet the stickers will get cut back to each successful toileting but for now "trying" counts.

She has not toileted yet but today is out first day so we will see what the rest of the week brings. She is excited about earning stickers though. We also have lined plastic underpants for indoor use when puddles would be more mess to deal with but as it is summer I am attempting to be outside a lot for the next few days. Since she has always worn disposable diapers my first order of business is to get her to connect being wet with the feeling before being wet.

Both disposable diapers and pull-ups generally keep kids so dry they are unable to detect they have gone and therefore are unlikely to make the connection. The only use I have found for pull-ups is in cases in which I am out and about with a little one in the learning phase to prevent unnecessary embarrassment in the likely event of an accident and at night. I generally let night time training happen on its own. I have them sit one last time before bed but wear either a diaper or pull-up at night until they are waking up dry for at least one week. I believe it happens on its own when they are developmentally ready. For many kids the comfort of soft, dry underpants is preferable to them and is its own motivator in the process.

When a good Nanny leaves

There is a big part of bringing a nanny into a child's life that most parents ignore. It is the fact that there chances are very, very good she will not be there until the child reaches adulthood. The days are long gone when a nanny gave up a life of her own to raise generations of children in a family. The truth is it is a mother's job to give her life for her children and you can't hire that devotion out to a stranger. Trying to do so sets a child up for a definite experience of deep loss in their young life. It never comes at a good time, because there is no good time for such a thing.

This all comes to mind because a cousin of mine, who is also a nanny, will be leaving her family to marry and start her own family soon. She is already seeing the anxiety in both the children and parents. She has been there long enough for a definite bond to form with the children and is definitely NOT looking forward to that last day when a child will likely have to be pulled, crying from her side. I've been there. It's heartbreaking.

We do our best to help raise happy, well-mannered, well-adjusted children but in the back of our minds is the day that will come when, either by our decision or the parent's, the relationship is cut short leaving a loving little one caught in the air not knowing who will catch them. We try to trust that the parents are there to do that but honestly loss is loss. Someone that child has come to love and trust and usually sees for more hours each day than anyone else is leaving them. It's the nanny who usually is there to make boo-boos better, feed them and knows all their favorite foods, songs, books, clothes.

Sorry to be such a downer but today the reality of it hit me harder than usual. Each day I see Miss T. become more loving, cheerful, funny, and attached the thought of that coming day haunts me.